Cathartic the change
Seasonal markings greet
Ides of March, budding
Spring blossoms rise ‘neath
The snow crowned earth
Organic rebirth, renewal
Body numb, mind in hopeless disarray
Despair and fear consumes, relentless
Acclimated now to such exquisite pain, solitude
Resigned to wallow in this… fully & completely.
Grasp on reality dwindles, seems senseless
Daily plans fall short, intentions meaningless
Nightly dreams fitful, restless from discomfort
Gasping for air, I wake, anxiety ridden, nervous
Needful of peace, I search for calm & normalcy.
original draft – 2012
If you missed the Tony Awards last week, you missed out on something beautifully poignant, yet somewhat heartbreaking as well. Here is the 2017 WINNING performance from Dear Evan Hansen.
Comes & goes –
Leaves us bloated,
Earth’s cup hath
Runneth over, begs
For summer heat &
Sun so sweet.
Expressionless, guarded she stands in evening shade
Peering out the open doorway, unable to exhale
She waits in awkward silence, her stance firm until
The angry sound of his revving engine beckons her
Need a better view with one more cautious step outside
Upon the gravel rural, sharp & cold under her bare feet
Numb, unwavering to any pain, she is alert & all knowing
Her eye on the prize, she watches him fade away, still
She stands there, motionless until nary a sound nor
Lingering glint or red glow as tail lights become dim, final
This signal, no longer must she acknowledge his existence
And so, she turns away as summer’s darkness falls sweet
Surrender, organic & pure the relief she knows as closure.
Insomnia, this maniacal routine
‘Tis unwanted playtime
For such brain games destructive
Frenetic bed-time activity –
Been here, done this
Acutely chronic, crazed at times
Noise filled, this rowdy, yet solitary
Confinement is cerebral in nature
The players are me – and me
Welcome to the sleeping game.
Nightly, I’m forcefully recruited by
“Scouts” who lure my unwilling,
Unwanted, irrational participation
Into game play – though
I plead forfeit, such requests are
Deemed overruled and often denied.
No matter season, nor inclement weather
No empathy for injury, nor illness
No giving up, nor allowance to quit
This match, the wrestle between brain
And body, alas there is no winner.
The game ensues, becoming quizzical
Scornful, guilt-filled lists flying about:
“To do” lists
“NOT to-do” lists
“WHY did I do that” lists…
Lists ongoing and ever changing
Permeate my conscience in search
Of resolution, answers, or acceptance
Full knowing, it’s all for naught
For the click ticks on.
4:00am has come and gone despite
Momentary lapses of rationale and
Lucid attempts to mediate my
Exhaustive, desperate pleas for truce
Give me A TIME OUT (for now) and
Ground me from this grandiose vs.fantastical reality.
Acceptance of momentary moiety will
Suffice until tomorrow – or until
The game resumes again
As it always does.
MPP2012/ poem revision 2017