Madness – Sunday Afternoon At My Piano

Spent a few hours at my piano today – practicing old pieces and trying out new ones.  So, I thought this would be an appropriate poem to post.  Enjoy!

MADNESS
Beautiful complexity
Attempting to marry the blur of
Black notes on paper in front of me to
The smooth ivory beneath my fingertips
Attempting to fuse notes, keys, and tempo
As it is written
As it is meant to be played
As it is meant to be heard
Chaos, the sublime fusion
Intrinsic force that is madness –
            Mozart
                       
Madness and Mozart – an intriguing partnership
Madness won, took over the man
Ferocious compositions, exquisite music
Led sadly, quickly into a pauper’s grave
Leaving behind collections of art –
            Priceless and eternal
At my piano, my mind wanders, yet
I begin to play, attempting to commune with
The instrument, the music –
            Mozart
Halting, I linger over the notes, unfamiliar parts
Haunting sonata.  Perplexed, I wonder…
What the hell was he thinking when he wrote this?
Why did he write in this manner?
Was he driven by a muse or some unknown ghost?
What inherent madness forced this frenetic pace?
Madness…
                                                            Mozart

                                    

This Too Shall Pass: A Query

QUERY
This too shall pass –
I’m beginning to question this common phrase. Slowly…out loud yet, quietly,
repeating each word I attempt to discover and dissect –  
I ask myself, what does this phrase really mean?  What does it mean to you?
Strangely imbedded in my mind, I realize my hopeful mantra has now become
a daily affirmation for strength and acceptance of self.
A query of which I deliberately ask myself, seeking clarity and answers
in my world – attempting to understanding the truthful simplicity of a question residing in the meaning.  But, what does this phrase mean?  More importantly,
what does it mean – to me?
This too shall pass –
I wonder…am I merely giving myself verbal permission to brush little unpleasantries under the carpet, assuming they will certainly work themselves out? Maybe…
Am I self-soothing with this vocal pacifier for a mistake made, a bad decision?  Sometimes.  More often than not, I seem to require coddling from a self inflicted punishment caused purely from poor judgment on my part. Shaming myself is more fitting…I think…it’s my history and what I’m used to.  Or, is it much simpler than all that? Am I kindly reminding, merely re-assuring myself of true realization?  This absolute, finite existence that is Karma?
This too shall pass –
As I repeat these words to myself, the saying begins to lose its impact and actually sounds a bit lazy and somewhat flippant. Hmmmm.
I chuckle, because as usual, it’s quite easy for me to OVER analyze and
deconstruct something that’s merely supposed to be simple, easy, and appropriate no matter what the need or desire may be.
The words are always the same and always said in the same order. However,
the meaning of each word can take on as many forms or tones as I require – or desire in my search to move on and create order in my life!  Yes, the words are always the same… THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  No one ever scrambles them up in attempt to change the intent or the power of the phrase – or to make it sound trendy, more unique.  And so, I’ve decided that the answer to my query is obvious and it is clear…I own it…it’s mine…it works for me any time I need it.

I’m still learning to pay attention to my body’s language and have discovered that I breathe a little deeper when my mantra is uttered. My shoulders drop down and are relaxed. That irritating little furrow, residing between my eyebrows is diminished.  My voice softens, no longer frenetic, and it slows to an easy tempo…and I smile because I feel peaceful…and it’s a strange feeling that is so delicious!   So, allowing myself to use this oh, so common, repetitive phrase for my own private benefit is freeing…when I need to be freed the most. 

MS and Poetry: "Scars" & "Chairs"

Happy weekend to all ~
Forgive me…it’s been awhile since I posted anything here & I intend to play a lot of blogging “catch up” this weekend.  For now, I thought I’d share 2 of my poems relating to MS.

SCARS 
This brain, my brain
Reveals an unwanted, uninvited stain
Stealthy invaders placed an ugly mark
Though visually unseen, it’s there…a permanent scar.
A tattoo, if you will
An indelible marking, perplexing until
Courageous, yet daunting intervention begins
Presenting theoretical ideas, invasive needles and pins.
                       
The monster’s mastery takes hold, you see…
Internally stalking, exploring ways to manipulate me
Wicked, determined to strike and knock me down
A bully in hiding, deploying trickery like a devious clown.
This brain, my brain
With this extraordinary, devastating stain
Brings clarity, unexpected strength, possibility
Now, determined, striving to re-define my disability.
                                   
                                                                                   
                       
 CHAIRS 
Here I sit
in a chair made of wood –
wooden legs, I can sit upon
and rise up from whenever I want to.
Surrounded by others
who also sit
in chairs like mine, made of wood –
with wooden legs.
The others sit in chairs with steel wheels
instead of wooden legs.
With motorized knobs directing where they go.
The one’s who sit in wheels
have legs, and feet of their own – like mine.
Their legs used to be like mine –
functional…sometime ago.
Now, their legs are problematic – useless.
Legs which feel like wood,
wet noodles, fire, painful needles, atrophied and stiff…
yet, here they sit – with me
in chairs of different means, but of similar purpose.
Together, we gather in our chairs and we sit,
talk, smile, nod and understand
for the same reason, sharing this disease
together, members of this exclusive club
no one has applied for.

                        

THE TEST

Tests…
Most of us have been out of school for many, many years, but don’t think that the days of studying, learning and taking tests are over.  They will never be over.

THE TEST
The test is a mirror…
Every test is a curious mirror
Reflecting confidence and truth
Or, lack thereof.
The test is a mirror…
Displaying naked realism of who we are
Exposing vulnerabilities of who we are not
Or, who we wish to be.
The test is a mirror…
Prohibiting facade and masquerade
Enforcing society’s blueprint of conformity
Or, simply guiding our true self.
The test is a mirror…
Unwavering, without grace of grading on a curve
Prodding, quizzes encourage fearful insight
Or,  maybe it is only a ruse.
The test is a mirror…
We are our own professors
Posting grades of pass or fail to ourselves
Yet, we take and re-take the same exam…

                         What have we learned?

POETRY: FITTING FOR A HOT TEXAS EVE

Texas is hot. Everyone knows it gets hot in Texas every summer.  But, this year seems worse than I can remember…IT’S HOT!!!  I’m not joking when I say you CAN fry an egg on the pavement on days like this!  I’ll embellish on Texas heat another time.  With that being said, I decided my 2nd blog post would be one of my poems about staying indoors: A WRITER’S RATIONALE.  There will be 2 additional poems immediately following the poem: OVERWHELMED and SHELLS.  Thank you for reading.  I’d love your comments if you have time.  They will be added to my poetry list as well.
 ~ Enjoy and stay cool.




A WRITER’S RATIONALE
Didn’t go out today – didn’t leave my room, writing –
Home is where I feel most at ease.
Truth being, haven’t really gone outside –
For quite some time now, peaceful self-soothing –
Is what I prefer.
Constant in my head, analyzing, composing, editing –
Dreams, passionate anticipation of new assignments.
Content – thriving, despite lack of social interaction –
Humans are social creatures, yet habits challenge theory –
I am a challenge.
A writer socializes intimately with his designed characters
Companions gathering together, singing, drinking – fulfillment.
In truth, I sit with pen and paper, dismissing those who call –
Embrace solitude, content with little musings.
Hope I’m understood.
Writers, particularly poets are reputably hermits –
Seeking privacy, solitude, therefore…seclusion.
My excuse anyway, it’s a good one – so,
Excuse the mind-set, accept my world, my words.
This is my desire.
                                                                        
OVERWHELMED
The mess on my bed
Is the mess in my head…
            Chronic disarray
Dreadful habits unshed
Accumulating things unsaid, unread…
            Swirling melee
Purge, to cleanse my purpose said
Out loud and in my head…
            Again, I’ll disobey
                              
  SHELLS
We are the smallest
Shells not found until
Hardened over grit
Sculpted in truth
As grains of sand
Engrave the soul
Secret pearl masks
Hidden tales, love
Pieces left behind
Magnificent journey
Unique metamorphosis
Memories culled
Re-arranged, displaced
Longing for the shore                                        

                        

Well, it’s about time! My first post…YAHOO!

I’m FINALLY blogging!  I’m still tweaking quite a few things here, but it’s coming together and it feels good.  I had played around with a few different sites over the years, but nothing felt right.  I tried to think of “interesting” themes, designs, and things to write about…what I DID know was that I didn’t want to publish a blog full of rambling, meaningless jibber-jabber!  Then, I found myself getting too wrapped up and confused with the design aspect of the site.  Frustrated, I stopped trying for awhile.  But I kept reading and writing.

This past year, the more I read/researched various things about writers and others in the creative world, I began to notice a fascinating shift in the ways people publish work today.  The global growth of using the internet and social media have creatively made promoting and publishing work very quick and easy.  Within minutes, you write, you post , then seconds later, BOOM – your work is out there for the whole world to see…very exciting, yet also a bit daunting!  Even though I’d been writing poetry for awhile, the thought never occurred to me to use a blog for sharing my work.  So, thanks to the advice, input, and encouragement from many of my writer pals,  I’m now posting my first blog today. Cheers!

I’m learning as I go…my site still needs a little fine-tuning, so bear with me while I co-ordinate my “tabs” & various pages.  As a blog newbie, I absolutely welcome your comments for ways I can make my site more interesting or organized.  I’m looking forward to communing with others who share my passion!  Much more to come soon ~ Enjoy!