Take the time to pause,
Reflect on difficult years
Passed…now somewhat cleansed –
To heal, quite painful in the journey, yet
I feel…and now able to see
I am less cold, less broken –
Thankful for this unique gift of
Patience and time.
People, places, and things
I once feared to flee
Now merely ghosts, memories –
Life lessons, priceless in value –
No longer lost in long,
Hopeless years, instead I am
Blessed, gifted with strength,
New purpose and clarity.
Bid the past adieu, sans regret –
Extend a fond farewell
To fabulous failures &
Delicious disasters, for I
Survived with respect and truth –
My eyes now open, they reveal
A past life proven easy to leave,
Grant me freedom and a new place to fly.
Prefer my solitude, yet
As I lay here, in the dark
Spending quiet hours alone –
The noises in my head have a different plan –
As the caucus begins, I realize the need
To demand a new definition of what
“Quiet” means to my internal people.
Mind and body disconnect –
Concentrate, focus and remember
To take a forced breath –
Chest aches, is tight, yet slowly
I do begin to drift…
Despite this precious ability to sleep,
Finds a way to sneak into dreams.
I’m wakened with a jolt – again – too often –
Painful years have passed,
Am healing, yet still numb and
Somewhat feel “out of body” at dawn –
Especially as I reflect and remember
That specific morning
Upon waking, without pause
I knew, and I left…
A single moment of clarity,
A life forever changed.
Sarah Le Huray is a mom, wife, occasional researcher, blogger, and an MS Society Ambassador. Her lovely blog and other postings can be found at http://www.sarahlehuray.com.
Reeling in the expectations
I have a very guilt-filled relationship with my MS.
Mostly to do with my kids.
Life was always go-go-go for me. Career, kids, balancing the two. Add in the incredible MS fatigue, and it’s so hard to stay above water.
We’ve talked about fatigue before, but I’ll mention it again now. It is one of the most common symptoms associated with all forms and stages of MS. And can be severely debilitating.
It’s hard to accept that.
Being so stubborn, I attempt to continue on with life – determined to make everything just like before.
As if my life is now defined into two stages – before MS and after.
I struggle to keep up with my former self. Activities, trips with the kids, producing the energy parenthood requires.
And after the start of a very busy spring break with my energy-filled kids, it catches up. And I feel horrible. Sick and tingly. Foggy.
I know the process well. It’s been happening for at least a year now. But I just don’t catch on. Perhaps I’m clinging to the hope that maybe, just maybe, today it’ll be different?
I probably haven’t fully mourned the old me yet. The woman who was healthy and had only positive life plans.
And letting go of that order and control.
I can’t change what I have been dealt. And I do my best to be accepting and gentle with myself.
But man, adaptation is hard. Even years in process.
Today’s going to be a restful, quiet day. And I am grateful.