Restless Dreaming

Prefer my solitude, yet
As I lay here, in the dark
Spending quiet hours alone –
The noises in my head have a different plan –
As the caucus begins, I realize the need
To demand a new definition of what
“Quiet” means to my internal people.
Mind and body disconnect –
Concentrate, focus and remember
To take a forced breath –
Chest aches, is tight, yet slowly
I do begin to drift…
Despite this precious ability to sleep,
Anxiety still…
Finds a way to sneak into dreams.
I’m wakened with a jolt – again – too often –
Painful years have passed,
Am healing, yet still numb and
Somewhat feel “out of body” at dawn –
Especially as I reflect and remember
That specific morning
Upon waking, without pause
I knew, and I left…
A single moment of clarity,
A life forever changed.