This Too Shall Pass: A Query

QUERY
This too shall pass –
I’m beginning to question this common phrase. Slowly…out loud yet, quietly,
repeating each word I attempt to discover and dissect –  
I ask myself, what does this phrase really mean?  What does it mean to you?
Strangely imbedded in my mind, I realize my hopeful mantra has now become
a daily affirmation for strength and acceptance of self.
A query of which I deliberately ask myself, seeking clarity and answers
in my world – attempting to understanding the truthful simplicity of a question residing in the meaning.  But, what does this phrase mean?  More importantly,
what does it mean – to me?
This too shall pass –
I wonder…am I merely giving myself verbal permission to brush little unpleasantries under the carpet, assuming they will certainly work themselves out? Maybe…
Am I self-soothing with this vocal pacifier for a mistake made, a bad decision?  Sometimes.  More often than not, I seem to require coddling from a self inflicted punishment caused purely from poor judgment on my part. Shaming myself is more fitting…I think…it’s my history and what I’m used to.  Or, is it much simpler than all that? Am I kindly reminding, merely re-assuring myself of true realization?  This absolute, finite existence that is Karma?
This too shall pass –
As I repeat these words to myself, the saying begins to lose its impact and actually sounds a bit lazy and somewhat flippant. Hmmmm.
I chuckle, because as usual, it’s quite easy for me to OVER analyze and
deconstruct something that’s merely supposed to be simple, easy, and appropriate no matter what the need or desire may be.
The words are always the same and always said in the same order. However,
the meaning of each word can take on as many forms or tones as I require – or desire in my search to move on and create order in my life!  Yes, the words are always the same… THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  No one ever scrambles them up in attempt to change the intent or the power of the phrase – or to make it sound trendy, more unique.  And so, I’ve decided that the answer to my query is obvious and it is clear…I own it…it’s mine…it works for me any time I need it.

I’m still learning to pay attention to my body’s language and have discovered that I breathe a little deeper when my mantra is uttered. My shoulders drop down and are relaxed. That irritating little furrow, residing between my eyebrows is diminished.  My voice softens, no longer frenetic, and it slows to an easy tempo…and I smile because I feel peaceful…and it’s a strange feeling that is so delicious!   So, allowing myself to use this oh, so common, repetitive phrase for my own private benefit is freeing…when I need to be freed the most. 

Author: Mary

ABOUT MARY ~ I am a "late-blooming" writer from Texas who specializes in creative writing/poetry. I have a background in music, the performing arts, and enjoyed 14 years in sales/marketing & as a special events planner in the private club industry. I am a 1990 graduate from The University of North Texas who started off as a music major (voice), but I wasn't "feeling" it was the right fit. So, I took a break, changed directions & graduated with a B.S. in Hotel/Restaurant Management. I was an athletic, healthy young woman who also displayed an unfortunate pattern in the men I chose in life (life lessons indeed!). After a brief marriage in the early 1990's, I decided to focus on my career, yet 5 years later I met hubby #2. So, with more maturity & high hopes for success, I married again & became a full time stepmother of two. Along with several rewarding events & fond memories came more challenges, yet I maintained a fun, successful career in the food and beverage industry until 2001. Life...as I knew it changed when I received the diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Looking back, I must have been in denial or a state of confused shock as to how dramatically my life would actually change. I attempted to work a few more years after diagnosis, but I was becoming more unpredictable, forgetful, & lost - my job performance was never quite right anymore. You see, this disease affects everyone different. I went through relapses & other issues, but my mobility was intact - then. Unless you REALLY know me, I was then & continue to be labeled an "invisible symptom" case. My MS enjoys messing with my brain, & many other body functions. Anxiety, mood changes, nerve pain, heat & fatigue are debilitating - quite an uphill battle especially when stress is involved. A few more "in denial" years went by & I dealt with this vile invasion of my "internal room-mate". My husband couldn't understand, nor could he handle my ever increasing health issues - he hated every part of it (I don't really blame him for that). But, he avoided being around me when I was suffering - he {didn't sign on for this & I sure didn't look sick}. He was embarrassed as to how my MS affected his lifestyle. So, divorce and other challenges came into play in 2009. Those were painful, rough days. I know now I was suffering from a nervous breakdown. Not yet had I thought to seek the help of a professional therapist to help me cope or to help purge the noisy voices & chaos inside my head, so I began to purge through writing. WRITING saved me! I attempted to compose little songs & dove into playing piano again - I even taught myself a little acoustic guitar & it felt good...soothing. I had found a form of therapy which enabled me to breathe again; a healing tool that didn't require a prescription. This journey to reinvent myself actually seemed plausible via my artsy background & new creative outlets. I've become a student again & the benefits of turning off our "auto pilot switch" & instead focusing on learning new, foreign things & activities is priceless. This "rewiring" of the brain is called Neuroplasticity. Writing (primarily poetry) & music has filled me with a POWERFUL passion, purpose, & endless possibility. This may sound odd, but I'm grateful for the tough times! There's this gift called "resilience" - my MS & other life struggles have gifted this to me. A gift which forced me to find "me" & to focus on the important things in life...to laugh, live selflessly with compassion & passion. Find me on: 🔸Twitter: @pettigrew66, @MSpals, @MSpalsPoets 🔸Facebook: MaryPettigrew48 🔸LinkedIn: http://linkedin.com/in/mary-pettigrew-1b582330 🔸Instagram: 🔸https://www.mspals.org Acknowledgments and Press ~ • Two of my early poems were published in the U.K. in book compilations of poetry: ~The Summer of Sport: Forward Poetry 2012 ~ Poetry Rivals Collection 2013 • Featured in 2 articles in The National Multiple Sclerosis Society's 'Momentum Magazine' ~ 2013 = art therapy & MS ~ 2015 = connecting via social media • My work has been featured/published in various book compilations, blogs, websites, as well as other multimedia platforms including: www.pajamadaze.com www.disabled-world.com www.HealthCentral.com www.MyCounterpane.com www.MS&MeRadio/TBI Network Something On Our Minds (SOOM): funds The Accelerated Cure Project "Twitter Q&A" - A Writers Experience (details forthcoming) • Creator & Co-founder of MSpals: a global organization (2014)

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